My Dear Little Man,
How do I begin to describe the wonderful and complex boy that you are? There is no way to fit you into any preconceived box; that much becomes clearer and clearer to me with every passing day.
You are my 4-year-old Speedy Gonzalez, always moving and moving fast! When we listen to some beats and you start dancing, your feet dash and flash across the floors and your hips wiggle like you’re dancing the Salsa. You climb trees like a monkey. While I clean up one mess you’ve made, you’re busy creating the next one. When the day begins you start talking and asking questions and you don’t stop until your brain shuts down, long after your eyes have already closed. In short, you don’t stop. Ever.
I’ll admit, when you do fall asleep, my whole body sighs; it’s not easy to keep up with you.
Some would say and I’ve been told I should consider not homeschooling you, that you need an outlet and more structure (oxymoron?) to control this wilder and busier side of you. Sometimes I think they are right. Or, at the least, putting you in school would certainly give me a break.
But, then, you ask me to play “Beethoven Lives Upstairs” and will pull up into a chair and sit still for half an hour listening to the entire story. And my heart melts.
Or you will sit on the floor for an hour and draw this:
Or you will put on some hungarian techno folk songs and try to play the piano along with it… for half an hour. And my spirit smiles.
Today, you were outside for a good while and then opened the front door with a beaming smile on your face and said, “Mommyyyyyy?! You’ll never guess what I found!” You then walked up to me and held up a passion-vine leaf and boomed proudly, “it’s a caterpillar egg!” Then you spent most of the rest of the day searching through our passion vines for more caterpillar eggs. I think you found 7. Knowing how tiny they are, and easily missed, I can only guess how focused you must have been while looking for your newly discovered treasures.
And that put a huge smile on my face.
You can’t be boxed, my Love. Perhaps you are a wild spirit. For that, I love you, despite any heartaches you cause me along the way. But you can also be very focused, with an intensity I did not expect. Watching you grow I am beginning to see the person you are becoming: curious – very curious; competitive – emotionally so (not unlike your mother); wild – you are a boy, after all; focused – you know what you like and you tend to stick with that; sensitive; and surprising.
I remember last week after swim lesson you wanted to take a long shower. I decided not to fight that battle and let the girls play in the locker room while you took your time washing up. Suddenly you came skipping in, “Mommy! I know what 4+5 is! It’s 9! I figured it out while I was in the shower,” and then you did your little chuckle and skipped back into the shower. I was surprised. Not that you probably counted it on your fingers, but that you spent the time trying.
I’m also realizing how much you need my attention right now. Your mind is whirling trying to understand everything, and I’ve been busy with a 1st grader and your baby sister. So, I’m going to try harder, because I want to help you understand the things you want to know, and I also want you to stay you. (But maybe without the insults and injuries, eh?)
I love you with all of my heart,