Another week has flown by and I am now 37 weeks pregnant! This past year has been so strangely fast, it is hard to believe that we have come full circle, back to where we were a year ago. I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words the whirlwind of thoughts flying through my mind.
At dinner tonight, Craig and I asked each other, “so, we have the names?” The truth is we spent almost no time thinking of names, and are just now thinking maybe we should double, triple check that we agree and are happy with the choices we made 9 months ago. While our thoughts were there I said out loud, “we haven’t really talked about this baby at all.” No words were really needed to understand why. It is for the same reason we don’t have a place for the baby to sleep or a chair to rock in with the baby. Subconsciously, we just want to wait until we are sure.
I have also noticed over the last few months that when I close my eyes and try to imagine what having another baby will be like I mostly get just a vague image in my mind – nothing concrete – and it disappears almost immediately. In a way, it seems I won’t allow myself to imagine having another one. And though there is no denying that one will be here soon – I pray! – we can hardly prepare for the reality of it.
The other night, I had a series of contractions and thought we might have to go to the hospital. Craig was ready to go and, oddly, it was I who kept delaying and saying, “no, let’s just wait another half-an-hour…” Of all the worrying I have and am doing, one would think I’d be jumping into that car. And though I’m more uncomfortable than ever and my body is aching for relief, I wonder if I’m even more scared to go through the next step.
Sigh. Soon all of this will pass, I know.
And I am so thankful for the awesome and constant support I’ve been getting all year from my dear friends and family. You have been such blessings in my life and have made this journey so much easier and lighter. Thank you!
We are almost there!
This was taken at sunrise. It was one of those mornings that I just could not sleep. It also happened to be a morning without any gloomy clouds. So, I snuck outside to capture some of that yummy morning glow (that I never see!)