This is intimate for me! Okay, fine, all of these self-portraits are intimate for me, but this one even more!
It is not well-exposed or well-lit, but I will cherish this one forever. I was sitting down and saw that I had half-an-hour until it was time to leave for Isabel’s dance class, and what better time to get motivated to do a self-portrait than when there isn’t much time left at all? Hair’s not done, make-up’s not done… Yeah… this is how I work.
The idea to wear my hungarian blouse for a maternity shot has been in my head for a while – and this is nowhere close to the vision I had – but I knew I better do it in some format soon if I wanted that blouse in a maternity shot at all. Then Thomas came running in asking to be in it with me. Now, I have a whole other idea for a picture with Thomas, but I thought, “okay, I’ll try to combine them” and went from there.
But, phew! I will have to do one with Thomas when I don’t have that giant protrusion outside of my body. He is too heavy for me now and I think I managed two attempts before saying, “we’re done!” Poor belly, poor back. (I am happy with the way I stood for obvious reasons, but it really doesn’t do my belly justice. But maybe seeing that Thomas has a fine shelf to sit on can give you an idea.)
So, despite the flaws, I love this picture of us. Thomas has been my little baby for almost three years now. He fell into this role quite well and I realize I’ve become quite used to it, too. Very soon it will be painfully clear that he is not my baby anymore and he will instantly become the “big boy” he keeps claiming to be. Until then, I am soaking in all of him that says “my baby”: his little curls, his innocent and angelic sleepy face (because when he’s awake those adjectives do not apply), his wobbly, knock-kneed run, the way he reaches his arms out to me and says, “I want you, Mommy,” whenever he wakes up or falls down.
Oh, my little Thomas. I will miss my big baby boy, but I also can’t wait to see the big brother he will be.
I think that’s what makes the photo- the lighting. Beautiful.